Phantoms

Maybe I gloated too much during my last post. The bliss lasted all weekend, then back to work and something happened. Negative thoughts took over and I found myself struggling to push them aside. I would be too embarrassed to share my thoughts, but will share that I allowed myself to enjoy commentary from "The Return of Quetzacoatl" by Daniel Pinchbeck and at times its pessimistic view. One part reminded me how I've often viewed people: Herbert Marcuse wrote, "preconditioned receptacles of long-standing. "
Pinchbeck comments - "loaded down with shopping bags from the superstores, their clothes fashioned by children's hands in Third World factories, as they rush to the next outlet or media event, flitting past me like phantoms."

Sometimes I look out at the crowd of passengers and I see dead people, pun intended.
Myself included as I recently learned that composting of ourselves doesn't begin when we die, but is happening right now due to lifestyle. People may joke at my attempt to no longer stuff dead, fungus, yeast and mold in my mouth, but I'm making the effort and finding alternatives for enjoyable culinary experiences. Some may think it exhausting that I take the time choosing what best to eat. My answer is I'm starting to observe that it is exhausting not to do so.
I'm listening to the conversations of people without sharing my dietary preference and it's interesting. One gentleman shared with me more than once, as if he had Alzheimer's, about his delicious fajita steak salad. Before consuming it, he spent several hours deciding what to eat, while I could taste dreamed up sauces dancing in his head. It only annoyed me because I knew he would have a few minutes to gulp it down. Knowing he was eating in an atmosphere of no love, food grown without love, life taken without love to equal food giving a force devoid of love. My thought was how long can we continue like this? Gracefully I could not continue because my body rejects the notion. It is very difficult for me to digest food in such a condition, therefore, I choose differently. Although it's not easy. Admittedly passing by the goat cheese at Whole Foods only to contemplate if adding 500 million pathogens in my body was worth it. Tonight I decided "no", I have other plans which involve cleansing. This weekend is about cleansing all the acidic sources of this week. Especially cleaning out negative thoughts, which proved detrimental to my lasting blissful state. Stiffness during a short yoga practice serves as a witness.

At least I wasn't so naive to believe it would last, just that I would openly ask..."what happened"? The answer is I did it! I am the creator of my existence, not a roaming phantom. One community friend, Lama Jigme, recently shared a message on Bliss and Openness. "

There are many foolish teachers who insist that once he

was enlightened, Buddha never suffered. But the writings of

the “Ti-pi-ta-ka” make it clear that Buddha experienced the

full palate of circumstances and emotions.

Freedom from the tyranny of suffering. Our Zen, bothers

and sisters have a wonderful saying,

“the enlightenment

that is beyond enlightenment

is NOT enlightenment at all.”

If we are so controlling, manipulative and naïve that we

think the goal of the path is to control, escape or dodge

every suffering then we are doomed to miss the point

entirely. Then what is the goal?

To act with a naked awareness, a courageous vulnerability

that is utterly available to WHATEVER manifests in the

present moment: whether it is glorious or grotesque;

whether it is a neighbor’s cat purring as it nuzzles against

our shin in hope of affection or a screaming ruffian,

threatening us with bodily harm.

WHATEVER manifests, Buddha offers us the freedom to:

• grab the bull by the horns,
• and stare unflinchingly into it’s gaping maw,
• down it’s gullet
• and into the belly of the beast!

How? How are we to take hold of the courageous liberation

that Buddha offers us? Through the two Bo-dhi-chit-tas:

• the power of Love
• and the wisdom of Letting-go.

Silly as it may seem, I needed the courage of the 2 Bodhichitas today while returning the goat cheese spread to its case. Facing my emotions at the moment, letting everything at that moment come to the surface and choosing differently. My valentines day continues, I'm loving myself in this choice. Through cleansing I'm accepting Love and the wisdom of letting go. Again, acting in naked awareness.

Om Mani Padme Hum.

Namaste.